To my dearest Brianna:
I write to you the very last words that my hand can muster, the very last words that will escape my mind. I write to you in a hospital bed. Yes, I lied those many years ago when I said I was only going away for a while. I don’t know how to ask for your forgiveness. I wish I had told you the truth then. I could say that you were too young to understand but the reality is far from that, I could tell somewhere deep down in your little eyes that you understood. I’m the one that couldn’t understand nor accept the fact that my time had come to an end, which is why I never said goodbye. I can’t bear the image of you with tears streaming down your face pleading for me to come back, as you did on your first day at daycare. That day left me heartbroken though I knew I would be back for you; but now, I can’t come back for you. I’m sorry you never got to say goodbye.
By the time you’re reading this, I would have been gone from your life for many years already, but I want you to know that I will and have always been watching you, always by your side as I have been since the very beginning. Oh, how happy I was when you spoke your first word, took your first steps and made your first friend. I watched you grow before my eyes for your first four years always with a smile painted on your face, a dream of any mother. But I had always known deep down, from the very beginning, that I couldn’t watch you forever.
Shortly after your birth, I was diagnosed with chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML). Questions then began to run through my head: Could I be cured? Could I still care for you? Could I tell you? Now I know the answers to all those questions. CML soon progressed to acute myeloid leukemia (AML) and from there, things only went downhill. No amount of therapy seemed to fix the problem but only added on to the pressures that I was already facing. Fatigue plagued my mornings along with nausea and vomiting as I grew ever weaker with each passing day. My appetite had disappeared and I faced severe pain in my chest and deep aching in my bones. I couldn’t care for you when I couldn’t even care for myself, which led to the ever-growing overnight stays at your grandparents’ house. I told you that those stays would only be for one night but then it turned into two, then three, then a week, two weeks, and now you must stay. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before but I hope you understand now.
I made a promise when you were born that I would be by your side through all your tough times. I may not walk beside you anymore but darling I just want you to remember: Whenever times go awry go back to your younger days and think of my voice. Hear it in your head and feel it in your chest. Listen in your heart and you will always hear, “Darling you can do it, don’t ever be afraid as you are so much more than you think”. I may not be able to be beside you physically, but know that I will always be beside your heart keeping it company, and always behind you supporting you and cheering you on. Strive to be your best and know that I will always be your greatest fan. Even when you feel like you’re the only one in the world Mama will be beside you, by your heart. You will never be alone Brianna; you have so much further to go.
With great love,
MaMa
Look up and you will always see me
~~~
“Code Blue* treatment five.”
…
“No pulse. Alright, charge 200.”
“No.”
“What?”
“She told me she was ready to go.”
…
“I said charge 200.”
“Sir, she has acute myeloid leukemia. She’ll just suffer even more. We can’t save her.”
…
…
“Time of death: 18:11.”
Code Blue*: to symbolize a medical emergency regarding a cardiac or respiratory arrest that calls on the immediate need for resuscitative efforts.
Source: Picture
If you’re interested to read about the inspiration behind this piece click here and scroll to inspiration number 2.
This was a compelling piece. Tell us what inspired this – there is a maturity in this piece. Bravo!
Thank you very much! I talk about the inspiration behind this piece on my inspiration page listed as number 2. I’m very glad you enjoyed. 🙂
Dear Elena,
First of all, I love the visuals on your blog, the theme, the colours, the font. Everything. Secondly, this piece totally amazed me because it was definitely not what I was expecting. The way you wrote it made me feel as though I was her daughter, and this directly impacted me. My favourite line is, ” I told you that those stays would only be for one night but then it turned into two, then three, then a week, two weeks, and now you must stay,” because it shows her slowly getting worse even though she’s fighting to hide it from her daughter. I can’t wait for this to become a short story so we get more backstory to how her daughter is doing.
Also, the bottom section where you included the Code Blue and the doctors discussing was a unique way to show us she was dying, and I really liked it!
If you are thinking of continuing with these characters, I think it would be interesting to have the daughter reading this letter, and see how she reacts to it. Also, I know you mentioned in another comment that you put your inspirations on your “inspiration” page, maybe you could link it at the bottom? Besides that, your sentence structure and grammar are very well edited.
I am so excited to read your fiction pieces in the future, they always capture my interest and make me want to read more!
Sincerely,
Jasmine
Dear, Jasmine
Thank you so much for all the warm-hearted compliments. In the future, I will definitely look into possibly continuing this story as according to your amazing suggestions. I have also linked my Inspirations page at the bottom of the post, though I will change the position as it seems to be easily missed. Once again, I greatly appreciate your compliments and your advice and thank you so much for reading this piece.
Sincerely,
Elena
Dear Elena,
(I hope you imagine me saying your name in the weird way I do – I miss annoying you all the time).
I really love this piece that you wrote, and I love it even more knowing how much effort and research you put into it. I hope you’re happy with it as well. You should be incredibly proud. I’ve seen you grow as a writer – I remember those long bus rides where we’d edit each other’s work. You’ve changed a lot, and so has what you write and how you execute it. I hope you realize your improvements as well, and I hope you’re happy with them.
As you know, I’m not a very emotional person – well, I don’t like to be anyways. But this piece did make me very sad. It really struck me, and made me recall memories of family members that left in a similar way. I’ve tried to keep those memories buried, but when you have such realistic content within a creative piece – they come back with a vengeance.
I don’t have much to say for improvements. I don’t think there’s too much to improve. However, I do think you should continue to experiment with sentence structure and variation. Personally, I think that it could add a lot to your work. Especially if you’re looking to create a poetic piece.
I hope you’re doing well in this unfortunate time. I hope you know I miss you, even though you have made one of your main purposes in life to annoy me. Be safe and stay healthy child.
Sincerely,
Katie
Dear Katie,
First of all, I really must thank you for helping me grow and expand so far as a writer. The advice that you’ve given me has always been very much appreciated and your compliments mean the world to me. I’m very glad you were able to find a personal connection to this piece, even though it may be a bit remorseful. I will also continue to experiment with new sentence structures and variations as I similarly agree that it will, no doubt, be able to improve my writing even further.
Thank you so much for all the warm-hearted compliments. I miss you loads and I hope you stay safe and healthy in this tough time. Though, when we meet again, get ready to be annoyed.
Sincerely,
Elena